A Dream House

Today on the way to work, I was thinking about my dream house. I have many dreams...

I would love to have a house on the shore. I would fall asleep to the sounds of the waves and the ocean breeze caressing my face, and wake up to a glorious sunrise, with the sun sparkling on the waves like thousands of tiny diamonds. And I would begin each day with a walk on the beach, breathing in the salty air and feeling the sand between my toes.

But I would also love a house in the mountains, hidden from the world, surrounded by old-growth trees and animals everywhere. There would be an amazing view from my deck, overlooking the trees and the mountains in the distance, and maybe a little meadow full of wildflowers. The deer would come to greet me in the early morning, because I would feed them apples or some other sweet treat and they would learn to trust me. I'd be like Snow White, feeding the birds from my hand and yodeling down the well! And I would begin each day with a walk through the trails, breathing in the cool air and feeling the moss beneath my feet.

I enjoy solitude and privacy, and natural surroundings. Oh and some sort of view. When we were camping in Pennsylvania last year with my dad, we spent the evenings sitting in chairs around the campfire, looking out onto the grassy hills. Occasionally a deer would walk by, or a fox or a racoon... and of course there were lots of birds. And it was so relaxing to just sit and watch. So my dream home would definitely have a place to sit and look out.

Of course, when I was young, my dream house was one where I had my own room. We lived in an apartment, and I had to share a room with my brother. We had bunkbeds and lots of toys everywhere and no privacy.

We moved into a small house when I was in 2nd grade. I remember our first day there, sitting in that empty room on a box full of books. I just sat and smiled. This was MY room. I could set up all my stuffed animals and toys, and put pictures on the wall, and I could listen to whatever music I wanted. There was even a closet for my clothes.

That old house made everyone happy, and it was great to have our own yard, too.

I helped my mother plant flowers in the front and a tomato garden in the back. My father worked on things out in the garage, my brother worked on his minibike back by the shed. My mother liked to cook even more in the new kitchen, and she made spaghetti sauce from the tomatoes in the garden. I built forts up on the hill and read books up in my room. And since we had a yard, we were able to get a puppy, which was the greatest thing.

And so I look at the house I live in now. Sure, there are some rooms that still need painting, and we need to redo the bathroom upstairs and refinish the hardwood floors. And I'd like to have a deck or a patio on the back so I could sit and look out on the yard, and we could have barbeques out there.

But I am able to plant flowers in the front and tomatoes in the back.

Mandy has her own room, where she can hang pictures on the wall and listen to whatever music she wants.

We have a nice yard where the dogs can run and sniff around where the deer trekked through the night before.

And there are closets for our clothes, and a garage for our toys.

I enjoy cooking dinner in the kitchen at night, while my husband is upstairs on the computer, Mandy is upstairs on the phone, and the dogs are under my feet, waiting for me to drop a scrap of food.

And I begin each morning with a walk around the lake, breathing in the fresh spring air, smiling at the other early morning walkers as we pass on the road.

I think I already have my dream house. Life is good.

Solid Gold Dreamer

When I was young, I just knew that I was going to be a dancer or a singer when I grew up. Most likely a Solid Gold Dancer. I took dance classes from the time that I was 5 years old. And every June we had the big extravaganza up on stage, where each class would perform a dance in their little matching costumes.

I had no doubt that I would be a dancer someday, because that’s what I really wanted. And back then I had the power to really believe in myself, and believe in my dreams.

Somewhere in middle school or high school, my dreams changed. I wasn’t really sure what I wanted to be anymore. My grades were fabulous – off the charts. But I didn’t have direction anymore. I really didn’t know what I wanted to do.

After high school graduation my uncle stopped by our house, and he noticed some sculptures in the kitchen that I had made. He was fascinated. “You made these?” “Yeah.” “You know, you have a real gift,” he told me. “A talent. Not everyone has a talent like that. I know you get good grades and everything, but you should consider using your talents. You might want to take some art classes in college.”

I listened to him, but only in part. I did take art classes, but I also entertained the possibility of being a chemist, or maybe an engineer. I needed to translate all these good grades into a career of some sort. I was afraid that being an artist wouldn’t make me any money. No one aspires to be a starving artist. So I didn’t follow my passion with true conviction.

College was cut short by the birth of my daughter. And staying home for a few years and taking classes here and there, I went back to work and started climbing up the corporate ladder. And so here I am, working for a big corporation but entertaining dreams of doing something else. Something creative.

I am trying now. I’m a photographer on the side, and hoping to cultivate it into a business that can replace my 9 to 5. But it’s so easy to doubt myself.

I wish I had the certainty and the confidence that I had back then, when I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was the best dancer up on that stage.