Solid Gold Dreamer

When I was young, I just knew that I was going to be a dancer or a singer when I grew up. Most likely a Solid Gold Dancer. I took dance classes from the time that I was 5 years old. And every June we had the big extravaganza up on stage, where each class would perform a dance in their little matching costumes.

I had no doubt that I would be a dancer someday, because that’s what I really wanted. And back then I had the power to really believe in myself, and believe in my dreams.

Somewhere in middle school or high school, my dreams changed. I wasn’t really sure what I wanted to be anymore. My grades were fabulous – off the charts. But I didn’t have direction anymore. I really didn’t know what I wanted to do.

After high school graduation my uncle stopped by our house, and he noticed some sculptures in the kitchen that I had made. He was fascinated. “You made these?” “Yeah.” “You know, you have a real gift,” he told me. “A talent. Not everyone has a talent like that. I know you get good grades and everything, but you should consider using your talents. You might want to take some art classes in college.”

I listened to him, but only in part. I did take art classes, but I also entertained the possibility of being a chemist, or maybe an engineer. I needed to translate all these good grades into a career of some sort. I was afraid that being an artist wouldn’t make me any money. No one aspires to be a starving artist. So I didn’t follow my passion with true conviction.

College was cut short by the birth of my daughter. And staying home for a few years and taking classes here and there, I went back to work and started climbing up the corporate ladder. And so here I am, working for a big corporation but entertaining dreams of doing something else. Something creative.

I am trying now. I’m a photographer on the side, and hoping to cultivate it into a business that can replace my 9 to 5. But it’s so easy to doubt myself.

I wish I had the certainty and the confidence that I had back then, when I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was the best dancer up on that stage.