Fessin’ Up to My First-Grade Crush

When I was in first grade, I had the biggest crush on Mike H. Actually, I think it started in kindergarten. It may have even been love at first sight. How could it not be? He had the biggest blue eyes and curly blond hair. He was adorable! Yes, it probably started in kindergarten.

But it wasn’t until first grade that I made my big move.

I grew up in a very un-country-like suburb of New York. We did not own chickens or cows. If we ate corn on the cob, it was because we bought some from the A&P, not because we had it growing out in our fields. My parents were Mom and Dad, not Ma and Pa like on Little House on the Prairie, which was my favorite show as a child. (I always wished I was as pretty as Mary Ingalls. And I thought it totally sucked when she went blind, but she was still pretty.)

But even though we weren’t “country folk,” every kid in my area learned how to square dance at school. It was an entire unit in gym class, usually held over the winter when we couldn’t go outside. Slim Sterling was the square dance caller, and his arrival at school marked the beginning of six weeks of learning to do-si-do, promenade, and allemande left. Oh, and six weeks of holding the sweaty palms of the boys in class.

“My car’s name is Rollscanardly,” Mr. Sterling would tell us every year. “’cause she rolls down one hill and ‘canardly’ make it up the next!” Oh yeah, he had a bunch of corny jokes that he would throw in while he was calling, and they were the same ones over and over. The kids giggled at him when they were young, but groaned when they were older.

He would purposely mix things up during the dance for the older kids to confuse us and try to catch us out of step.

Bow to your partner. Now bow to your corner. Now swing your corner. Swing your partner. Do-si-do your corner. Do-si-do your... corner again. Allemande left!

Secretly, I always looked forward to the square dance unit. Oh I would moan and complain all the other reluctant kids when ol’ Slim showed up, but I enjoyed it. It was fun!

In the early grades we didn’t learn all of the complicated steps. We just did a lot of “Clap Clap Bow” and other simple moves, but we did dance with a partner. And here’s the important part, how we would find our partner:
1) Slim Sterling would ask all the boys to form a big circle, holding hands and stretching the circle out as big as it would go.
2) The girls would form a big circle outside the boys’ circle.
3) Everyone would drop hands.
4) The boys would be asked to turn and face their partner in the outside circle.

This is how it went in kindergarten.

So in first grade, I already knew the drill. I remembered it from the year before. And when Slim asked the girls to form a circle outside the boys’ circle, I made a mad dash to align myself strategically behind Mike H. When he turned around, oh! Look at that! I was the lucky girl that got to be his partner.

The other first grade girls were jealous. “Lucky!” they sneered at me with narrowed eyes. I was not the only one infatuated with that angelic face.

I tried not to smile too wide. I tried not to make it obvious that I had known exactly what I was doing. My cheeks may have gotten a little flushed though, as we stared into each other’s eyes, making sure our moves were coordinated: Clap, clap, bow. Clap, clap, bow. Stamp, stamp, turn yourself around.

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At my 15 year high school reunion, Daniel F. confessed that he had a crush on me in the 5th grade.

“Aw, I think I knew that, Danny,” I said. “You always had a certain shy smile for me. That’s very cool of you to tell me, though - you made my night!”

“I think everyone should ‘fess up tonight,” Daniel said. “I mean, after all this time, who really cares? Maybe everyone would be happy to know someone had a crush on them.”

“That’s a great idea! You know who I have to ‘fess up to? Mike H.”

So I found Mike H. in the crowd, and I told him about the square dancing with Slim Sterling. He was laughing, smiling really wide, and maybe even blushing a little. “That is so cool.”

“Okay, now it’s your turn. Go find somebody and ‘fess up.”


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I think everyone would benefit from hearing a kind word every now and again. Not just "I used to have a crush on you," although that one is certainly delightful to hear. Even "I always looked up to you when I was a kid" or "you have such a nice smile" or "you always make me laugh - thank you" could brighten someone's day.

Kind words do not cost much. Yet they accomplish much. – Blaise Pascal